He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize