Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
