She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
