How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize