i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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