so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
