then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
