its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I think my vagina is haunted
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
