oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
