life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
