Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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