He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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