how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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