Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
