So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
