My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
