Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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