I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
