I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
