I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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