Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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