i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
