highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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