Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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