I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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