Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
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