How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
