I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
