i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
