my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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