he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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