I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
