White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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