Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
