Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
