i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I need moral support for this bender
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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