Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
The uberlube is also flammable
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
