I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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