We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
