Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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