I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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