dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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