Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
