Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
