I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
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There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
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All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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