I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
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