I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
