U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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