The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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