If that was your dad, he is hot
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
