another moral hangover. fuck.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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