so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
