are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
