she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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