Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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