I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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