: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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