Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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