dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
