She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
