rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
