Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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