No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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